What is mommy shaming?
mommy shaming: moms being MEAN to other moms for not “moming” the way they think other moms should.
“Being a new or veteran mommy is hard enough as it is, so why do we make it harder on one another when we’re sharing in such a divine on-taking?”
Everybody likes to be an expert and attention is always fun. Not everyone can get positive attention on their own…so they direct negativity towards other moms to try and boost themselves. I don’t know about you, but that mommy made the biggest mommy mistake of all….showing the example that being mean, being a bully, and being the public (shaming) judge of someone else’s choices is totally fine. Well it’s not.
This topic is such a hot button for me along with the majority of other moms I know. And even worse, it’s SUCH a “trend” right now! And I absolutely cannot figure out why.
I had a friend recently who was pregnant and felt really pressured by her husband (among others, you know who I mean ladies) to breastfeed because “breast is best”, right?
I knew she planned on trying so a few weeks after the baby was born I asked her how breastfeeding was going and what it was like for her since I had never experienced it at the time. (I was curious of her experience!) She proceeded to go into this lengthy and detailed explanation of why she stopped.
This might sound familiar/relatable to some ladies….something along the lines of “I was so exhausted and couldn’t figure out what I was doing or if baby was getting enough and it hurt so bad and I started resenting my baby and the time we had and dreading feeding time and now that I switched over to formula I love feeding the baby and feel so much more confident as a mom etc. etc. etc.”
I thought, HOLD on sister, that all sounds good and well, but I hope that’s not what you’re feeling you need to explain to people.
What she was just doing was justifying it to me. She didn’t owe me or ANYONE an explanation for why she wasn’t breastfeeding, she didn’t deserve ANY guilt. The reason why is because she is a MOM and because there is NO one size fits all of motherhood. Her choices for her child as a mother are hers alone. She will always figure out what’s best for her own baby because she’s the mom.
(Okay, now obviously there are limitations in what I’m saying here^ such as neglecting or harming children, that’s now what I’m speaking to though)
people will always have different opinions on what’s best, what’s right. That is an endless tale of time and it always will be. Keeping that key word in perspective is important though on both sides….opinions. That’s just what they are.
Being a “good” mom seems impossible to do now with all the “expert parents” out there watching our every move. We have these silent expectations of us to be awesome and fit during pregnancy, eat well, drink well, buy the latest and best equipment, make sure we follow the newest researched feeding and sleeping schedules. We follow the trendy mom herds shuffling us here and there and making us even more crazy than we already are.
So how do we fight back? How do we stop the silent guilt, shame, and those loud obnoxious voices telling us how to parent?
Kind words are like honey-
sweet to the soul, and healthy to the body
- We LIFT each other up, in all practices, to respect each other, our families, and respect ourselves.
2. We don’t lash back out at those making the decision to mommy shame, we DON’T feed into the cycle.
3. We learn to ignore the people criticizing us, because nothing starves a bully more than a lack of reaction, because that’s what bullies are really after.
4. We LOVE our kids and our family with all that we have, because they’re our purpose and our drive.
5. And, most importantly, we strive every single day to laugh at ourselves and to learn. Laugh at our mistakes, and learn from them. Because in the end, none of us are perfect parents, no matter how close or far we may think we are. We are all in this blissful and chaotic rollercoaster of a parenting ride together and we’re all always learning, adapting, and morphing into the parents our changing children need us to be.
To our kids, we are enough….we are their world. And we want them to look up into our eyes, and know that as clueless as we may feel, they see no fear. They see the unwavering parent who knows just how to be their perfect mommy;