“Adult” decisions take on a whole new meaning when you have a little one in the home.
ALL decisions, financial, health, home…all decisions don’t just affect me and my spouse anymore, it’s not just us on the line…it’s our daughter too. Wow oh wow is that intimidating! This week my husband approached me in the kitchen, just minutes after he got home on a Thursday afternoon saying, “We need to have a talk later”- all serious. (I’m thinking oh gosh what have I bought recently that has messed with the finances lol)
Me being the impatient person that I am asks him immediately, “what about?, what’s up?, is something wrong?” He says…”Well, I’ve been offered a different job, and there would be a salary increase from what I’m making now. There would also be more stability risk”. So there I stood, soaking that in. This is a pretty big opportunity presenting itself to us, because our goal is for me to find a way to stay at home with the kiddos until they are in school.
We sit down immediately and discuss what he knows so far and what the possibilities are here. He would be getting a whole new experience and is being given a wonderful opportunity to further his career which is something he really desires in life. We both agree that until the kids are all in school, we would like me to be at home with them.
I grew up with my mom at home and every childhood memory is with her. It’s so special and I believe a valuable gift to our children; one that I know everyone isn’t able to give. Then there’s also the risk of changing employment, the risk of this being a new branch within a company that he and others would be pioneering, the risk of more travel for him than he’s had in the past couples of years.
At this point all kind of emotions are running through me. I’m so excited for him and so proud because my husband has some of the best work ethic of anyone I know. He always does the hard work, always does the right thing, no matter if his diligence will be noticed or not. He’s what I call my “sink man”. He deserves only the best opportunities and it doesn’t surprise me one bit that he’s been offered such a generous one.
I also feel fear…fear of so many things. I’ve never been one for change…I DON’T like it and I never have. I cried when my parents replaced my mattress when I was 10 years old that had been my dad’s in college. Yes, that’s how bad it is. I’m not so crazy as my prior 10 year old self NOW, but I definitely am cautious to big changes. I’m a low risk, lover of high security, type of person. SO here I sit, wondering things like….”what if the travel IS substantially more? I mean we’re planning on trying for another baby in the spring and I plan on staying at home once we have two….will I be a single parent the majority of the time if he’s gone traveling? What will that be like on our relationship? the favorite part of my day is when we’re all home together..my happiness genuinely comes out of my family and spending time with them. They are my everything. And the kids….that time in infancy is SO precious and SO SO fleeting. What if he’s giving that up for more money? What if it doesn’t work out and he’s left at the bottom of the totem pole with some other company starting all over?
what if, what if, what if????!?”
I feel fear and excitement and I’m sitting here at work mulling it all over when it hits me that what I need more than my own thoughts running through my head is prayer.
I need my rock, I need the Lord. I need to ask God for help.
I need His guidance, His serenity, His peace, His courage, His refuge, His grace, His word. I have to remember that as much as I want to, as much as I think I can TRY to control my life, God is the one in control. His gentle hand is always resting on mine to help me steer the way and he will never give up on me, never let me down, and never let me flounder. I know He has great plans for Brenton and for our family and here he is laying out a new path for us to adventure down and what’s the first thing I do? I doubt him and his plan for me, for us.
Even as I type these words I can feel the relief flood over me as I know that no matter what scary decisions pop up that we are never alone…that we have the Almighty on our side and that with Him, no one can come against us and we can never fail in His eyes.
I tell people this all the time when they bring anxieties beyond their control to me…I say “You just have to give it up to God”. Give him your worries, your anxieties, your strife, your sorrow, your hate, your love, your everything. Because only in Him can you find true refuge from your worldly concerns. So I guess I have to begrudgingly take my own advice.
How am I saying yes to this new risk that may scare me? I give it up and give it to the Lord because I TRUST in his plan and I surrender to it.